Thursday, February 3, 2011

Coping.

I know I have been an unfaithful blogger lately, and I apologize.  To be fair, I have been traveling for about three of the past five weeks, and I haven't forgotten about my readers.  I promise that I will soon inform you of all my recent travels.

But more important blog-material must take precedence.

To make a long journey short, I'm currently visiting my friend, Steph (my former babysitter--it's a very unique friendship), and her family in Warsaw, Poland.  For the past five days I've been diving into the history of this city, visiting every museum possible and reading ever leaflet or tour book possible about Warsaw.  Not to mention washing down pierogis with beer.  (I'm so fascinated by this city that it gets its own post--give me time).  But the favorite part of my time here in Warsaw is (physically) being part of family.  Steph and her husband, Steve, have two (soon to be three!) adorable children, Kate, 4, and Stephen, 3.  While visiting the Orloski family, I've been waking up to "nuggly hugs," taking morning tours of royal castles with a little "Prince Stephen," and spending the afternoons playing "Mrs. Potts and Bibbidi-Bobbidi."  In the evening I join the Orloskis for a homemade dinner, followed by story time and bedtime. 

And though my role keeps alternating between adopted daughter to the "cool, fun aunt," I enjoy fitting into a family.  I enjoy the comforts of a home and routine, even though living in Murcia is what I want in my life right now--I still miss family.  Because my parents know their favorite babysitter so well, they've been calling the house every day catching up on their "girls in Europe."  I've really enjoyed having so many connections to hope.  Since my arrival to Warsaw, I've been going through family withdraw more than I have before.

In addition to my family, I've been missing my friends as well.  And I miss the ability to "be" a friend, as well.  Today I learned that one of my best friends' mother passed away rather suddenly.  All evening I have been able to do nothing but sit and cry followed by some sitting and crying.  Aside from talking to her and letting her know that I'm praying for her, I can't do anything.  I can't drive over to her apartment and offer my company.  I can't sit down to talk with her and offer my shoulder.  I don't even know her address yet, so I can't even offer a card.  I'm helpless.

I can't do anything but publish this post, a poor attempt at quelling the grief.  And even though it's a sloppy montage of emotions, it's all I can do at the moment.

Watching my friends go through difficult familial situations makes me miss mine all the more.  And it brings out a feeling of fear and incapability on the other side of the Atlantic.  I realize it's all a process of living away from friends and family.  I knew that there were these types of difficulties and challenges of living abroad.  I knew before I left.  But it doesn't make them any easier as I face them.  So while endure them, I'll do the only thing I can do.



We love you, Paige.

2 comments:

eschwing said...

Sending up prayers for you both! <3

Rosemary said...

You're missed, Ashley, but trust me: we all know you're with Paige in spirit.